HEIDI MONOLOGUES

Our Isha

2011-11-08T18:17:00.000-08:00

Dear baby,

There was no melodrama when I first saw you. I was too groggy; too exhausted to even check if your fingers were deformed or what. I didn’t even hold you in my arms until you were allowed to join your daddy and I in the recovery room (that was three days after you were born). I remember seeing you for the first time but it was too surreal for me at that point. I know I had about nine months to prepare myself to be a mom but being in the actual situation is a different story altogether.

I must admit that I was practically moving in the dark where caring for you as a newborn is concerned. I didn’t know how to bathe you. Aside from that, I was clueless about the proper way of cleaning your tongue. Your daddy and I did a lot of crazy stunts – a comedy of errors, really. Fortunately, we got around those quite well on our own. We did not break any of your limbs so I guess that’s a good sign. Seriously though, I can say that each day is a delight because we have you with us. You smile more often now. You stare a lot, too. You make cute kitten-like sounds when you’re afraid. You turn red when you cry. You sleep peacefully with your mouth open. You also pout a lot. You raise your legs when we change your nappies. You like to snuggle as you sleep. There are many other things that you do which make us smile in unexpected moments. You make us really happy. You are all worth it, sweetheart.

I’m still expecting a lot of bumps along the way but we’re confident that we can raise you well. You might not have been blessed with wealthy parents who can provide you a haven that is fit for the princess that you know you are, but you do have parents who love and care for you the best way they know how.

We love you, Isha.

The baby is going to be a mommy

2011-03-20T17:47:00.000-07:00

It's confirmed – I'm pregnant. Joel and I are going to have a baby.

I'm really happy about having this cute little thing growing inside me. Joel's very pleased himself. For two years, we've been led to believe that having our own kid is next to impossible, especially considering my health complications. Imagine our surprise when both pregnancy tests (the first one was the OTC type, the other was conducted at the clinic) yielded positive results.

Gosh. This is it. I'm really going to be a mom. Never mind that this cute brat is making me nauseous every so often; or that her cravings for chocolate is driving me nuts (yeah, I believe it's going to be a girl). It just feels so wonderful to be pregnant.

From Hoyumpa to Regondola

We're planning to get married around the first week of May. Nothing fancy, of course. That's not really a priority right now. We just want our friends and our immediate families to celebrate with us on the day of our wedding.

Anyway, Joel already talked to my dad after telling his mom about my condition. We don't really have problems as far as our parents are concerned. His parents took the news well. As for my dad, he was net mad at all. He knew we were planning to tie the knot next year. I guess he was surprised that the church wedding we're planning is going to be a civil wedding instead and that the baby is due soon. But aside from that, I know he's happy for us. And I couldn't be happier at the way things have progressed.

So there. I'm going to be a mom and a wife. Thank you, Lord, I feel so blessed, so loved and so grateful.

sad ralizations

2011-03-01T15:24:00.000-08:00

Before, I wanted to be your bride. Now, I just want to be a bride.

untitled

2010-12-05T23:01:00.000-08:00

I lost it - whatever "it" is.

Don't ask me questions, I'm not up to the idea of spilling out the gory details. Besides, I'm well aware that the floodgates would open if I would dare to open my mouth.

It's funny how my friends tend to worry when I cry a lot. Hey guys, chill. I'm not suicidal. This is my way of coping. Rubbing salt in the wound is my way of dealing with... things. After all, if I can get through the darkest hour in one piece, I'll survive. That's the idea.

People get disappointed all the time. People get hurt all the time. People leave when they feel they have to and that happens all the time. It's not a big deal; just something I have to be big enough to deal with.

Mio Caro Joel

2010-06-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

Iron bars need not cage me

The dark depths of your fathomless perfection keep me still

My soul has spoken unto years

The language of a heart fervid with longing

Love is elusive to those who wish not to see

But mine burns as bright as a torch of fire

For You

2010-03-09T21:33:00.000-08:00

A hundred sleepless nights for a single caress
Sighing in utter contentment at the perfection that is you

To touch you and to breathe your name
And to lay in your arms forever
Nothing else could be better than this…. Bliss…

My Mantra

2010-02-09T00:42:00.000-08:00

On being human
Be your own person. Stand up for yourself and don't let doubts and insecurities get you down. Rejections happen; heartache is a reality. Life is tough but you need to be tougher. Raise your own issues but do not answer your own questions. You don't know everything about life. Seek for advice but do not listen to every opinion you hear. Your feelings and experiences differ from theirs. Never compromise your sense of individuality.

On falling in love
Do not be afraid to love. Love is a wonderful feeling. You might end up writhing in pain when love is not reciprocated; or when the so-called perfect relationship that you built your dreams upon has shattered, but at the end of the day, you will realize that the pain is insignificant and of no regard in comparison to the beauty of true love.

On letting go
Get out of destructive relationships. These are relationships that do not allow you to grow. Don't force yourself to find joy in the things that bring you pain. Always do what's best for you, but do it gracefully and never ever intentionally hurt another person, no matter how much pain that person caused you. If the person you want to be with does not belong in your life, gracefully show him or her the door. Change is necessary so deal with it. Bite the bullet and move on.

Mi corazon latido para usted. Solamente para usted.

2010-01-20T18:36:00.000-08:00

The title of this entry is read as: My heart beats for you. Only for you.

I came up with the line myself. You should be proud of me. I'm one helluva girlfriend hahaha!

I'm thinking of you. I seem to be doing that a lot, lately. You should see me – I have the typical-angel silly grin on my face. I'm listening to your music. Bamboo is singing If and yet it's you I'm thinking of. I can almost hear your voice. You like this song, don't you? You always select this song when we're out on a videoke-singing spree.

I love love love you…. I miss you like hell.

A Wakeup Call from Aubrey Miles

2010-01-19T16:54:00.000-08:00

We're stronger now than we have been in the past. I guess the little "incident" was some sort of a blessing. A blessing in disguise, they say. It sounds so cliché, I know. The point still stands, though.

Joel's back in the old shift. It's too early to tell whether the difference in our sleeping time would work to our advantage or not. We'll see. As far as I can tell, I'm up to the challenge.

Speaking of challenges, I'm in the process of reinventing myself. Sort of. Haha! Well, for starters, I'm learning Spanish. I'm also planning to ask Wendell to teach me how to do the layout for the newsletter. Not that I plan on snagging his job from him. I'm just, ahhh, widening my horizons, so to speak. There are so many things that I am yet to do, so many goals that I am yet to accomplish. My terrible eyesight cannot spell my limitations. Video editing and B&W photography are next on my list.

Aja!

01-13-10

2010-01-13T00:09:00.000-08:00

I love you. Heck, I'm not fancying you for other reasons. I'm not infatuated with you, either. This is not a fleeting emotion. I love you. You're everything to me. I'm childish and stupid and I act like an idiot most of the time. I'm a crybaby and I let my emotions control me. I lie and I get away with it. I'm shallow and jealous and insecure. I'm a brat. I act like I own you and I boss you around. I act like a possessed maniac because I'm scared as hell of losing you but believe me, I love you. I love you with everything I am. I'm a broken person today because I love you too much. Goddammit. I'm hurting like hell and yet you don't understand that I wouldn't be picking up the broken pieces today if I didn't want to be complete again. For you. For us.

I am trying to be okay but I am not okay. I am so lost and I am so broken. I need you. I need you to find me again. I don't want to lose us

bobitangsosyalera@ajiccp.com

2010-01-10T17:45:00.000-08:00

To the evil shrew who almost stole my guy:

You are a poor excuse for a woman; you are a poor excuse for a human being. Any form of decency and propriety, I think, is beyond your comprehension. You may be beautiful, but you're beauty is superfluous because you're a dumbass. In my honest opinion, you have nothing to be proud of.

Should I see your striking good looks prowling about within the premises of Starbucks-Cubao, I swear… I'm going to pay off a Starbucks personnel to spit on your frappe. Filthy witches like you deserve that much.

Rot in hell, biatch!

Only You

2009-12-20T16:58:00.000-08:00

Love came softly,
He whispered gently to my heart
A thousand caress, lingering into my soul

I found my mate
My lover, partner and friend

Need I ask for more?

You are as perfect as anything could be
and my heart yearns for no one else but you

Dear Joel

2009-10-25T19:24:00.000-07:00

Was going through my things when I saw this note tucked in an old notebook. It's something I came up with last year. Ka-kornyhan lng hehe...

Several things made me happy today and it made me think of you. You've been the source of my happiness for the last few months. You've been my personal fountain of joy. Can't believe this is how things between us would end; that you'd simply walk away...

Of journeys and destinations

2009-09-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last posted an entry for this blog. I guess there's simply nothing much to write about. Or maybe I don't have that much time to put my thoughts into writing.

Well, for starters, things between Joel and I are pretty much stable. At this point, I daresay that we're at a point in our relationship where we are most concerned about the future. Our future. Joel and I are making long-term plans already. He's working on a regular morning shift and has a freelance designing racket to boot. Meanwhile, I'm also working hard; one regular job and one freelance writing stint.

We're determined to make things right. We're trying to map out a prosperous future together. We have big dreams and big dreams mean hard work. It's really great to do this together: growing together and fulfilling our own aspirations without a tinge of worry about leaving the other person at the losing end. Yes, we're both making our way up and we're proud and happy about the turn-out of our own careers. Joel is currently training to be the team leader for a particular sections (translations section, i think) in his team. He's saving up for some sort of an investment as well. I think it's important for him to reach his potentials, more than anything else. He should be happy and proud and confident and fulfilled. I, too, should tread the same journey.

I'm really inspired and motivated with this growing up process. Right now, I feel like I have a jolt of optimism for the future. it's as if I can do anything I put my mind to. Joel has that effect on me now. I'm glad he's being supportive about my plans to study again. I think it's really nice to have a partner whom you can really depend on; a partner whom you can proudly bring home to meet your family; a partner whom you can share your visions with. I think I've found my home and I don't want to take another route; I don't intend to look for another haven. This is it. This is where God wants me to be, beside a man who would treat me as his equal and who would allow me to grow in my own terms.

I'm glad I decided to stick to this relationship despite the odds. I'm glad I can now look deep into the beautiful, deep-set eyes of my guy and say he was (and is) all worth it.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ANGELS AND JOELS!!!

2009-08-11T02:21:00.000-07:00

We fit together like two pieces of one puzzle; without rough edges, without uneven ridges.

My brother, my confidant, and my partner... thank you for the gift of your love.

Happy Anniversary!

Untitled

2009-07-19T20:30:00.000-07:00

I couldn't sleep at all last night...I was thinking about you...Your smile and your eyes...Your smile that speak volumes;your eyes that portray great depth

I miss you.

There's something wonderful about your presence...Something sweet and poignant and tender...Thinking of you sends a warm tingle to my senses... The sensation is odd but strangely comforting...

Pre-Anniv Happy-Happy

2009-07-13T18:42:00.000-07:00

We're barely a month away from our anniversary. Joel and I are planning on a Baguio Trip. We're ditching the idea of celebrating with friends. Well, actually, we're still planning to include them, our beloved drinking buddies hahaha... Pero shempre ndi na cla kasama sa Baguio db hehe =p

Wala lang.. I'm just uber excited about this whole anniv thingy. It's not that it's my first. I'm just really happy and enthused about Joel and I.

HHmmmmm....

When Angel Met Joel

2009-06-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

June 2008
…It was a fateful day in June, my first month or so at Iweb. I remember Atchie practically dragging me to the poolside area where the rest of the group was hanging out. It was a despedida party of some sort; there were food and yosi and alcohol – the works. They invited us to take a swig of alcoholic beverage. Isang shot lang daw sabi ni August. I was sleep-deprived and hungry, but I went ahead and downed a cup of… (I’m not sure if the drink was empi or grandma). I thought that was the end of that. I was in no mood for chitchat, heck, I was hungry and sleepy and they were a little too “loud”.

After the second cup of the alcoholic drink (and water as chaser, a practice I got from Lyka), I pulled Atchie to one side and begged her to go with me to the CR. I was practically barfing – I don’t want to do that in public. Once inside, I stuck my fingers in; then I was okay. We went back to tell them that we’re going, but for some reason, we were “forced” to stay. Forced, without much struggle, I guess. By then, I was already starting to enjoy myself. I guess Atchie was pretty much enjoying herself as well. We were talking and joking around with them, when one guy started to catch my attention. The guy’s name is Joel.

JOEL REGONDOLA a.k.a. SB
Joel is a rather short, thin and muscular type of guy. He has smooth and moreno skin. He has long lashes which made his beautiful, large eyes look very expressive. He wore his slightly-longish hair unadorned. And… he has dimples. He has a gorgeous smile and a heart-stopping gaze, an irresistible combination, really. A combination that is exclusively his. Heck, even meeting Chiz Escudero in person was no comparison.

Okay, so this Joel guy had a “magnetic pull” effect on me. I found myself peeping under my lashes, to see if I also had that effect on him. I caught him looking, (staring, really) more than once. I was about to let it go but then he looked at me again and said, “ang cute ng smile mo.”

I pretended not to hear but from that point on, I made it a point to smile at every single joke shared among the group. That was the idea: they laugh and I smile. Pretty stupid, huh? I realize that now, but back then, this pa-cute maneuver came naturally. The smile was supposed to keep the dimples on my cheeks on a semi-permanent basis. My cheeks were getting sore, really. Fortunately, the group broke up, and most of them went swimming. I remember sitting with Joel after he went for a swim, but I can’t remember what the conversation was all about. I went dizzy and I passed out.

I threw up like hell, blah-blah… I’ll keep the gory details to myself.

Anyway... that was how things started... =)

Happy-Happy!!!

2009-05-10T21:27:00.000-07:00

I'm setting aside my paranoia to pave way for something more positive: Our monthsary. Joel and Angel's 9th monthsary. Weee!!! =)

Okay, for starters, Joel and I had dinner last Saturday. Then, he spent the night at my house. (patay ako pag uwi ni daddy from Gensan hahaha). Then we ate lunch the next day (Sunday) and set off to run different errands.

Actually, today is the big day. Perhaps, this day is indeed a big day, considering the frequency of our petty fights since I started working again. Oh well, I guess there really are inevitable issues between us. But in spite of these, I think we're well on our way towards a more fruitful (nyay fruitful hahaha) relationship. I just wish he'd be less "friendly" when socializing with other girls. (Or maybe I should try to lock up the green-eyed monster that threatens to comes out when Joel smiles at another girl hahaha).

9 months and counting... =)

At Odds...

2009-05-08T01:57:00.000-07:00

More than anything else, I want to be with SB, but some things about our relationship keep on bothering me. At the top of the list is the fact that I only "stole" him from the other girl.

I'm thinking of Karma.

Heck, who am I fooling? I'm afraid of Karma. Who was it who said, "If I steal you away from him, chances are, you'll be stolen away from me, too." Gawd... I'm a hopeless nutcase. And it's all my fault...

So Much In Love

2009-04-16T21:25:00.000-07:00

Joel Regondala, you're the most important person in my life and I'm hopelessly in love with you. Sooner or later, one or both of us is bound to fuck up, but I don't care. I'd rather fight with you for who-knows-how-long than to find another guy who could live up to what we share now.

I love the way your hair curls down the back of your neck and the side of your face..
I love the way you gaze at me..
I love the way you laugh..
I love the way you smell..
I love your voice..
I love the warmth of your body..
I love the way you hold me close..
I love it when you kiss me..
I love it when we make love..

And I love and love and love you....

We Almost Broke Up...

2009-04-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

What would I do if the inevitable comes? I don’t know. I’m just hoping that we’d stay together for as long as we could. Perhaps until we’re both still breathing.

There’s something scary about a future without SB. This doesn’t mean that I’m sticking to this relationship just for comfort. It’s something else; something I can’t quite put a finger on. It’s like a physical pain in the stomach that goes on an upward motion, striking the heart where it hurts most. Then, just when I think the pain is over and done with, I find it difficult to breathe. It’s as if SB has a remote control; as if he manipulates my vital organs. I’d die if he hits the wrong button.

Hahaha… The analogy sucks. But the thing is this: I can’t imagine a life without SB.

And if truth be told, I don’t want to.

Gawd, I need a pack of tissue….

Quoting a Dead Poet

2009-03-27T05:34:00.000-07:00

Love is a beautiful pain. Or so says Sappho.

Baby Boy!!

2009-03-26T05:06:00.000-07:00

SB has been exerting a lot of effort on our relationship lately. He's been visiting me after his shift at work every so often, offering financial assistance, bringing me breakfast...
...and so the list of nice things he's been doing for me goes on.

Is it just my imagination, or do I really have the sweetest, nicest boyfriend in the world?

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. Nevertheless, I do love my babyboy... Regardless of the situations we've been through, SB will always be my guy. =)

Angel and Joel. Joel and Angel.

2009-03-19T20:08:00.000-07:00

I think SB and I have a closer relationship now. One might think that we've only been together for 7 months and that those months cannot spell out what the future has in store for us. This thing has crossed my mind, too. More often that I'd care to admit. But I guess there really comes a time when you just know that the person you're with is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Yeah. I'm talking about a major leap here.

I'm pretty prepped up about my future with SB and the two cute kids we're planning to have with us to complete our happy family. My dad would probably break my neck if he hears me planning about my own family. But heck, I found the person I can't imagine my life without. Am I not entitled to go after the only thing that would make me deliriously happy? I think that's a basic human right and it cannot, should not, be curtailed. Not for any reason whatsoever...

Cheers to a lifetime of love and happiness for Angel and Joel!

HAPPY MONTHSARY!!!

2009-03-11T04:25:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 7TH MONTHSARY JOEL AND ANGEL!!!

Torn..

2009-02-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

I think I'm too eager to do everything at once. I don't know where to start.

I want to be with Joel. All the time. But I also want to prioritize my own media career.

I want to prioritize my own media career, but I also want to join the academe.

I want to join the academe, but if I do, I will not earn enough to pursue my Masteral Degree.

I want to earn my Masteral Degree, but Daddy says he will only pay for my education (again) if I study in Mindanao.

I want to go to Mindanao because becoming a war correspondent is one of my greatest dreams. But if I go to Mindanao and work as a journalist there, my Dad will get mad and he won't pay for my education anymore. I think I might break his heart if I get killed in the middle of the insurgency. Plus, I don't want to stay away from SB.

I think I'd rather stay at IWeb. Only problem is, I'm not enjoying my job. Plus, I don't have a client. I can look for another job, but if I find another employment, what will happen to SB and I?...

I'm thinking of SB, money, and a decent career. I need a job that can fit all of these....

I Miss You

2009-02-06T00:30:00.000-08:00

I await the rising of the sun as this would signal another day... and another breakfast date with you. But even as the sun shines brightly unto us, I find myself bothered by the fact that our time together would soon pass. I am thus torn between making the most of our one-hour breakfast date and anticipating the torment of longing for you as I know I would greatly feel your absence in the hours that lie ahead.

Like now, perhaps?

I miss you...

Now, I wish nighttime would come, just so I could sleep peacefully in a haven where only thoughts of you would pervade my mind.

I miss you... I miss you... I miss you...
Did I say that already??

Mornings with SB

2009-02-04T23:25:00.000-08:00

Joel (a.k.a. sexyboy/SB) and I are still together. I'm falling even more in love with him each day.

SB and I had breakfast at Jollibee this morning. I had the urge to kiss him while we're eating our breakfast. Nothing horny, really, just an overwhelming need to express my love. Overwhelming... LOL!

Hhaayysshh... Eating with SB is a really, really nice thing. I was intent on gobbling up my tune pie when a thought from nowhere struck me: I WANT TO DO THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I want to eat breakfast with SB for the rest of my life. I want to wake up in the morning with this wonderful, wonderful, wonderful person by my side. I want him to be the last person I'll see at night. I'm seeing a bright future ahead; a bright future with this crazy guy who makes my heart beat a thousand times over. I doubt if I can make every turn a right one, but somehow, I also know that no matter what kind of journey lies ahead, I will (and I can( take the challenge head-on, as long as I have SB with me. Always.

If this is not a declaration of love, then I don't know what this is...

My Guy

2009-02-03T19:43:00.000-08:00

I met this guy who said he didn't like drunkard chicks, but he fell in love with me, anyway.

He doesn't have much patience with naggers, but for me he made an exception.

He doesn't have his own kid yet, so he's pampering me as if I'm his own baby.

He says I'm a spoiled brat, but he has pretty much accepted that fact already.

He thinks I'm a paranoid freak most of the time, but he just keeps his mouth shut, anyway.

He finds my craziness annoying, but he only says so when I'm going overboard.

I think I'm a lucky girl to have found such a wonderful person to fall in love with.

Too bad we aren't seeing each other as much as we used to..
Too bas we aren't seeing each other as much as we want to..

Darn...
I miss my guy...

Angelina Joel. LOL...

2009-02-01T23:01:00.000-08:00

Perhaps this is what love means...

LoveNotes... Or something to That Effect

2009-02-01T19:46:00.000-08:00

Are you real?
Sometimes I think you aren't.
Sometimes I wonder if you'd go away if I close my eyes,
Or if you'd be blown away by a single gust of the wind.

I don't know.

Maybe this is crazy.
Maybe we are all crazy.
But then again, maybe it's just you and I.

I love you so much...

SB again!

2008-11-11T07:01:00.000-08:00

Love is weird. It does crazy thing to sane people. LOL...

This one is for you:

You're the calmness in my being
when the storm threatens to break me
You're the silent music that captured my heart
when the noise inside my head pervades
and I thought I wanted not to hear.

Someone To Take Care Of Me-Part 2

2008-10-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

Trouble in paradise. Remember Murphy's law? I do, too. What the hell.

I think there's something off with women who are too dependent on their boyfriends. I tend to roll my eyes and think "Oh please, get a life" when I see girls asking their boyfriends to carry their bags, fetch them to and from school, blah-blah. I even remember this La Sallian couple who got off the bus because the girl finds the bus dirty.

You do get my point, don't you? I think I've established the fact that I hate that kind of attitude. Those cute girls can easily bat their lashes and pout like hell and the guys would go crazy. Those same girls have the energy to shop like madwomen and yet they cannot carry their own bags, not to mention open doors for themselves.

Surprise, surprise! I think I've become one of those girls.

I depend on SB all the time now. Baby, wala akong jacket. Baby, hatid mo ko sa LP. Baby, tulog ka na ba, ndi ako makatulog ndi ka nagtxt. Fuck. What is wrong with me? I hate this kind of behavior, it's so un-me. But still, I can't help it--it's the way I am now.

Love is self-destructive. Ulgghhh!!!

Still At It

2008-10-10T05:44:00.000-07:00

SB and I... we've been working on our differences and I think we're doing a good job. Yeah. We're still at it. In fact, we're a few hours away from our second month anniversary...

Hahaha! Laters!

...Us...

2008-09-10T13:59:00.000-07:00

There's something different about us; something I can't quite put a finger on. It's as if this time is the first time I've fallen in love and all the other times were just some sort of "background music". It's weird, it's idiosyncratic, and it's crazy. It's all that and more.

It's like stepping into someone else's fantasy, only to realize that it's not a fantasy. It's real and I'm in it. This is my reality. Don't wake me up, I'm not dreaming. It's too good to be true, but it is indeed true. I found the sweetest person I can ever find and my heart says, "hey this is it".

Yeah. This is it. I'm finally holding on to a hand that I never want to let go of.

And this time, i intend to keep it that way.

Lucky Me

2008-09-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

Never really thought of making long-term plans til I met you. Not the settling down and married/family life thing sort; more on the personal fulfillment thing, actually. You've somehow brought out a different side of me; the one that puts high regards for self-fulfillment and self-progression. Or words to that effect. Whatever it is, it's something that I can't quite put a finger on. But thanks, anyway. I love...? (hahaha)

Anyway, I'm thinking of seriously pursuing my literary writing thingy. I missed writing short stories, I'm thinking along the lines of both romantic drama stuffs and mind boggling stuffs. It's been a while since I wrote those sort of stories. Been focusing too much on serious journ chorlax when I was in my last year in College. Gosh. I even said goodbye to Deluge when I felt that I had to choose between news and literary. Tsk...

A Poem for You

2008-09-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

How long will I survive alone
When you are the only happiness I know?

This I ask myself
As I ponder with my broken heart...
As I imagine you cradling me in your arms,
while precious white pearls cascade down my cheeks

Nighttime haunts me with the unknown
But somehow I can tell
'Cause the angels have sung:
There will be another time for us

Yes.
Someday, somehow,
Our stars will align again

And I will wait
For that second shot at happiness
Even as the dark shadows enclose me in its arms
A constant reminder of the emptiness that lies ahead

Happiness

2008-08-04T06:18:00.000-07:00

Leloi is probably jumping into the front line, up against the JPEPA thing that the admin is planning to bury itself into. Febbie is probably at the front line too, this time covering the event for some fancy media outlet. Some devcom people from our batch might be lobbying at the Senate. Me? I'm not into the mainstream media as I originally planned and wished for.

Nevertheless, I'm happy.

I'm working on a night shift and although I can call myself a writer, I am not a journalist. My job now is not the journalistic path/career that I expected myself to be in. Still, I'm not complaining because I'm happy.

It's funny how certain things happen. It's weird, peculiar, even, to find yourself in a situation where you know you're up against the whole world, yet you're happy.

One touch, one gaze, one smile. It's making all the difference in my life.

I know what I am into now; I know where I'm headed. The funny thing is, I don't care. It feels like I'm jumping over a cliff with a stupid smile on my face. He and I, we're looking into the bottomless pit and I bet he's as scared and as uncertain as I am. But we're both happy. That's all that matters now.

I don't know how long this will last. Tomorrow, I might open my eyes and realize that I'm left all alone to jump over the cliff. The hell with the consequences. Come what may.

I'm happy.

Bulalakaw

2008-05-30T09:38:00.001-07:00

I couldn't touch you then; you were too near.

Forgive me.

Goodbye my shooting star. I'll be hooting for you.

WHEN WE TWO PARTED (Byron)

2008-03-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

...In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That your heart could forget,
That your spirit could deceive.

If I should meet you
After long years
How should I greet you?
With silence or with tears?...

SOFT NIGHT By Armando Subido

2008-02-13T05:32:00.000-08:00

The night is soft and cool.
I wait for you,
Amid the garden dusk beneath the trees
This is the hour of softly falling dew

I breathe your name, it floats upon the breeze
That gently stirs the clinging window-vine
You cannot hear;
The fervid longing dies upon my heart

I hear a bird repine
In liquid notes that mingle with my sighs
Rise from your dreams
The sampaguita faints

The cool, soft night is slipping, waning low…
Night shed its tears
The night bird’s sad complaint melts into silence
Love, I want you so

Rise from your dreams
I bring you love more sweet
Than all the flowers I scatter at your feet
To have success, you must fail.