The baby is going to be a mommy

It's confirmed – I'm pregnant. Joel and I are going to have a baby.

I'm really happy about having this cute little thing growing inside me. Joel's very pleased himself. For two years, we've been led to believe that having our own kid is next to impossible, especially considering my health complications. Imagine our surprise when both pregnancy tests (the first one was the OTC type, the other was conducted at the clinic) yielded positive results.

Gosh. This is it. I'm really going to be a mom. Never mind that this cute brat is making me nauseous every so often; or that her cravings for chocolate is driving me nuts (yeah, I believe it's going to be a girl). It just feels so wonderful to be pregnant.

From Hoyumpa to Regondola

We're planning to get married around the first week of May. Nothing fancy, of course. That's not really a priority right now. We just want our friends and our immediate families to celebrate with us on the day of our wedding.

Anyway, Joel already talked to my dad after telling his mom about my condition. We don't really have problems as far as our parents are concerned. His parents took the news well. As for my dad, he was net mad at all. He knew we were planning to tie the knot next year. I guess he was surprised that the church wedding we're planning is going to be a civil wedding instead and that the baby is due soon. But aside from that, I know he's happy for us. And I couldn't be happier at the way things have progressed.

So there. I'm going to be a mom and a wife. Thank you, Lord, I feel so blessed, so loved and so grateful.

sad ralizations

Before, I wanted to be your bride. Now, I just want to be a bride.

untitled

I lost it - whatever "it" is.

Don't ask me questions, I'm not up to the idea of spilling out the gory details. Besides, I'm well aware that the floodgates would open if I would dare to open my mouth.

It's funny how my friends tend to worry when I cry a lot. Hey guys, chill. I'm not suicidal. This is my way of coping. Rubbing salt in the wound is my way of dealing with... things. After all, if I can get through the darkest hour in one piece, I'll survive. That's the idea.

People get disappointed all the time. People get hurt all the time. People leave when they feel they have to and that happens all the time. It's not a big deal; just something I have to be big enough to deal with.

Mio Caro Joel

Iron bars need not cage me

The dark depths of your fathomless perfection keep me still

My soul has spoken unto years

The language of a heart fervid with longing


Love is elusive to those who wish not to see

But mine burns as bright as a torch of fire

For You

A hundred sleepless nights for a single caress
Sighing in utter contentment at the perfection that is you

To touch you and to breathe your name
And to lay in your arms forever
Nothing else could be better than this…. Bliss…

My Mantra

On being human
Be your own person. Stand up for yourself and don't let doubts and insecurities get you down. Rejections happen; heartache is a reality. Life is tough but you need to be tougher. Raise your own issues but do not answer your own questions. You don't know everything about life. Seek for advice but do not listen to every opinion you hear. Your feelings and experiences differ from theirs. Never compromise your sense of individuality.

On falling in love
Do not be afraid to love. Love is a wonderful feeling. You might end up writhing in pain when love is not reciprocated; or when the so-called perfect relationship that you built your dreams upon has shattered, but at the end of the day, you will realize that the pain is insignificant and of no regard in comparison to the beauty of true love.

On letting go
Get out of destructive relationships. These are relationships that do not allow you to grow. Don't force yourself to find joy in the things that bring you pain. Always do what's best for you, but do it gracefully and never ever intentionally hurt another person, no matter how much pain that person caused you. If the person you want to be with does not belong in your life, gracefully show him or her the door. Change is necessary so deal with it. Bite the bullet and move on.

Mi corazon latido para usted. Solamente para usted.

The title of this entry is read as: My heart beats for you. Only for you.

I came up with the line myself. You should be proud of me. I'm one helluva girlfriend hahaha!

I'm thinking of you. I seem to be doing that a lot, lately. You should see me – I have the typical-angel silly grin on my face. I'm listening to your music. Bamboo is singing If and yet it's you I'm thinking of. I can almost hear your voice. You like this song, don't you? You always select this song when we're out on a videoke-singing spree.

I love love love you…. I miss you like hell.

A Wakeup Call from Aubrey Miles

We're stronger now than we have been in the past. I guess the little "incident" was some sort of a blessing. A blessing in disguise, they say. It sounds so cliché, I know. The point still stands, though.

Joel's back in the old shift. It's too early to tell whether the difference in our sleeping time would work to our advantage or not. We'll see. As far as I can tell, I'm up to the challenge.

Speaking of challenges, I'm in the process of reinventing myself. Sort of. Haha! Well, for starters, I'm learning Spanish. I'm also planning to ask Wendell to teach me how to do the layout for the newsletter. Not that I plan on snagging his job from him. I'm just, ahhh, widening my horizons, so to speak. There are so many things that I am yet to do, so many goals that I am yet to accomplish. My terrible eyesight cannot spell my limitations. Video editing and B&W photography are next on my list.

Aja!

01-13-10

I love you. Heck, I'm not fancying you for other reasons. I'm not infatuated with you, either. This is not a fleeting emotion. I love you. You're everything to me. I'm childish and stupid and I act like an idiot most of the time. I'm a crybaby and I let my emotions control me. I lie and I get away with it. I'm shallow and jealous and insecure. I'm a brat. I act like I own you and I boss you around. I act like a possessed maniac because I'm scared as hell of losing you but believe me, I love you. I love you with everything I am. I'm a broken person today because I love you too much. Goddammit. I'm hurting like hell and yet you don't understand that I wouldn't be picking up the broken pieces today if I didn't want to be complete again. For you. For us.

I am trying to be okay but I am not okay. I am so lost and I am so broken. I need you. I need you to find me again. I don't want to lose us

bobitangsosyalera@ajiccp.com

To the evil shrew who almost stole my guy:

You are a poor excuse for a woman; you are a poor excuse for a human being. Any form of decency and propriety, I think, is beyond your comprehension. You may be beautiful, but you're beauty is superfluous because you're a dumbass. In my honest opinion, you have nothing to be proud of.

Should I see your striking good looks prowling about within the premises of Starbucks-Cubao, I swear… I'm going to pay off a Starbucks personnel to spit on your frappe. Filthy witches like you deserve that much.

Rot in hell, biatch!

Only You

Love came softly,
He whispered gently to my heart
A thousand caress, lingering into my soul

I found my mate
My lover, partner and friend

Need I ask for more?

You are as perfect as anything could be
and my heart yearns for no one else but you

Dear Joel

Was going through my things when I saw this note tucked in an old notebook. It's something I came up with last year. Ka-kornyhan lng hehe...

Several things made me happy today and it made me think of you. You've been the source of my happiness for the last few months. You've been my personal fountain of joy. Can't believe this is how things between us would end; that you'd simply walk away...

Of journeys and destinations

It's been a while since I last posted an entry for this blog. I guess there's simply nothing much to write about. Or maybe I don't have that much time to put my thoughts into writing.

Well, for starters, things between Joel and I are pretty much stable. At this point, I daresay that we're at a point in our relationship where we are most concerned about the future. Our future. Joel and I are making long-term plans already. He's working on a regular morning shift and has a freelance designing racket to boot. Meanwhile, I'm also working hard; one regular job and one freelance writing stint.

We're determined to make things right. We're trying to map out a prosperous future together. We have big dreams and big dreams mean hard work. It's really great to do this together: growing together and fulfilling our own aspirations without a tinge of worry about leaving the other person at the losing end. Yes, we're both making our way up and we're proud and happy about the turn-out of our own careers. Joel is currently training to be the team leader for a particular sections (translations section, i think) in his team. He's saving up for some sort of an investment as well. I think it's important for him to reach his potentials, more than anything else. He should be happy and proud and confident and fulfilled. I, too, should tread the same journey.

I'm really inspired and motivated with this growing up process. Right now, I feel like I have a jolt of optimism for the future. it's as if I can do anything I put my mind to. Joel has that effect on me now. I'm glad he's being supportive about my plans to study again. I think it's really nice to have a partner whom you can really depend on; a partner whom you can proudly bring home to meet your family; a partner whom you can share your visions with. I think I've found my home and I don't want to take another route; I don't intend to look for another haven. This is it. This is where God wants me to be, beside a man who would treat me as his equal and who would allow me to grow in my own terms.

I'm glad I decided to stick to this relationship despite the odds. I'm glad I can now look deep into the beautiful, deep-set eyes of my guy and say he was (and is) all worth it.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ANGELS AND JOELS!!!

We fit together like two pieces of one puzzle; without rough edges, without uneven ridges.

My brother, my confidant, and my partner... thank you for the gift of your love.

Happy Anniversary!

Untitled

I couldn't sleep at all last night...I was thinking about you...Your smile and your eyes...Your smile that speak volumes;your eyes that portray great depth

I miss you.

There's something wonderful about your presence...Something sweet and poignant and tender...Thinking of you sends a warm tingle to my senses... The sensation is odd but strangely comforting...

Pre-Anniv Happy-Happy

We're barely a month away from our anniversary. Joel and I are planning on a Baguio Trip. We're ditching the idea of celebrating with friends. Well, actually, we're still planning to include them, our beloved drinking buddies hahaha... Pero shempre ndi na cla kasama sa Baguio db hehe =p

Wala lang.. I'm just uber excited about this whole anniv thingy. It's not that it's my first. I'm just really happy and enthused about Joel and I.

HHmmmmm....

When Angel Met Joel

June 2008
…It was a fateful day in June, my first month or so at Iweb. I remember Atchie practically dragging me to the poolside area where the rest of the group was hanging out. It was a despedida party of some sort; there were food and yosi and alcohol – the works. They invited us to take a swig of alcoholic beverage. Isang shot lang daw sabi ni August. I was sleep-deprived and hungry, but I went ahead and downed a cup of… (I’m not sure if the drink was empi or grandma). I thought that was the end of that. I was in no mood for chitchat, heck, I was hungry and sleepy and they were a little too “loud”.

After the second cup of the alcoholic drink (and water as chaser, a practice I got from Lyka), I pulled Atchie to one side and begged her to go with me to the CR. I was practically barfing – I don’t want to do that in public. Once inside, I stuck my fingers in; then I was okay. We went back to tell them that we’re going, but for some reason, we were “forced” to stay. Forced, without much struggle, I guess. By then, I was already starting to enjoy myself. I guess Atchie was pretty much enjoying herself as well. We were talking and joking around with them, when one guy started to catch my attention. The guy’s name is Joel.

JOEL REGONDOLA a.k.a. SB
Joel is a rather short, thin and muscular type of guy. He has smooth and moreno skin. He has long lashes which made his beautiful, large eyes look very expressive. He wore his slightly-longish hair unadorned. And… he has dimples. He has a gorgeous smile and a heart-stopping gaze, an irresistible combination, really. A combination that is exclusively his. Heck, even meeting Chiz Escudero in person was no comparison.

Okay, so this Joel guy had a “magnetic pull” effect on me. I found myself peeping under my lashes, to see if I also had that effect on him. I caught him looking, (staring, really) more than once. I was about to let it go but then he looked at me again and said, “ang cute ng smile mo.”

I pretended not to hear but from that point on, I made it a point to smile at every single joke shared among the group. That was the idea: they laugh and I smile. Pretty stupid, huh? I realize that now, but back then, this pa-cute maneuver came naturally. The smile was supposed to keep the dimples on my cheeks on a semi-permanent basis. My cheeks were getting sore, really. Fortunately, the group broke up, and most of them went swimming. I remember sitting with Joel after he went for a swim, but I can’t remember what the conversation was all about. I went dizzy and I passed out.


I threw up like hell, blah-blah… I’ll keep the gory details to myself.

Anyway... that was how things started... =)

Happy-Happy!!!

I'm setting aside my paranoia to pave way for something more positive: Our monthsary. Joel and Angel's 9th monthsary. Weee!!! =)

Okay, for starters, Joel and I had dinner last Saturday. Then, he spent the night at my house. (patay ako pag uwi ni daddy from Gensan hahaha). Then we ate lunch the next day (Sunday) and set off to run different errands.

Actually, today is the big day. Perhaps, this day is indeed a big day, considering the frequency of our petty fights since I started working again. Oh well, I guess there really are inevitable issues between us. But in spite of these, I think we're well on our way towards a more fruitful (nyay fruitful hahaha) relationship. I just wish he'd be less "friendly" when socializing with other girls. (Or maybe I should try to lock up the green-eyed monster that threatens to comes out when Joel smiles at another girl hahaha).

9 months and counting... =)

At Odds...

More than anything else, I want to be with SB, but some things about our relationship keep on bothering me. At the top of the list is the fact that I only "stole" him from the other girl.

I'm thinking of Karma.

Heck, who am I fooling? I'm afraid of Karma. Who was it who said, "If I steal you away from him, chances are, you'll be stolen away from me, too." Gawd... I'm a hopeless nutcase. And it's all my fault...

So Much In Love

Joel Regondala, you're the most important person in my life and I'm hopelessly in love with you. Sooner or later, one or both of us is bound to fuck up, but I don't care. I'd rather fight with you for who-knows-how-long than to find another guy who could live up to what we share now.

I love the way your hair curls down the back of your neck and the side of your face..
I love the way you gaze at me..
I love the way you laugh..
I love the way you smell..
I love your voice..
I love the warmth of your body..
I love the way you hold me close..
I love it when you kiss me..
I love it when we make love..

And I love and love and love you....