Mama

Outside, it's freezing
I stepped into the night
Letting the dark encloak me in its arms

If I whisper to the wind
If I will it to carry a fervent wish that's in my heart
I know you would hear,
I know you would understand
You would sing that lullaby to me
And I would feel you again
As if your hand was never withdrawn
As if your beautiful face is still alit with life

My yearning for you is lulled by time
But I wish not to escape my sorrow

This sadness makes me remember you
And I never want to forget

Angel and Joel Forever

Find someone with whom you will want to dance with forever and don't ever, ever, ever let go.

Watch out for our official wedding pictures next week!

My Take on Unconditional Love

When you love, everything makes even more sense. Everything looks bright and beautiful. Problems don’t seem like problems at all. You are genuinely happy and fulfilled – and it shows. The silliest remarks can make you laugh; you end the day with a contented sigh, no matter how tired you are. That’s how it has been for me lately.

I’ve said this before and I’m saying this again because it still feels that way. When I am with Joel, I feel that I am jumping over a cliff with a stupid smile on my face. They can call it stupidity or even obsession, but I call it love – unconditional love. What I’m actually saying is that it all boils down to this: Once in your life, you would learn how to love unconditionally. In my case, I am blessed, grateful and very happy that I learned to love unconditionally at the age of 24.

Of Dreams and Wishes

You cheat and you get away with it. You've lied so many times that I have actually lost count. You say things you don't mean. You make promises you don't keep. You always find something to nag and complain about: that my walking pace is too slow, that I couldn't walk straight if there's a dog sniffing around, that I couldn't keep my things in order even if I try, that I lose my stuff all the time. There are so many things about you that exasperate me, but in spite of all that, I know in my heart that I wouldn't want to change a single hair on your head. You're the same person that I fell in love with and I don't want you to change. I don't want us to change.

We've been together for almost four years. There had been many trials and challenges. I smile when I think about them. The stupid stunts, the petty things that almost drove us apart. Looking back, though, I feel that we wouldn't be who we are now as a couple if it hadn't been for the crazy things we had been through. You've been there for me through thick and thin. You stuck around because my family needed someone to rely on. You've held my hand whenever I was down. You fought for me when you chose me over her. You chose not to pursue your dreams because I asked you not to leave. You waited outside that OR while I had that major operation. You took care of me whenever I'm sick. You held the plastic when I threw up (wink). You have always been there for me, being the brother that I never had, silently cheering me on, urging me to push my limits.

When I was a child, I thought I wanted a prince charming on a white horse. I was wrong. I don't care about horses at all. I don't care about being a princess, or a beautiful heroine, even. I'm a simple woman with a simple wish. I just want you to wait for me while I walk down the aisle of that nature-themed church as a close friend of mine plays the violin. Yes, that's all I want. I just want you to be with me forever.

I love you with everything I am and nothing can change that. Ever.

Our Isha

Dear baby,

There was no melodrama when I first saw you. I was too groggy; too exhausted to even check if your fingers were deformed or what. I didn’t even hold you in my arms until you were allowed to join your daddy and I in the recovery room (that was three days after you were born). I remember seeing you for the first time but it was too surreal for me at that point. I know I had about nine months to prepare myself to be a mom but being in the actual situation is a different story altogether.

I must admit that I was practically moving in the dark where caring for you as a newborn is concerned. I didn’t know how to bathe you. Aside from that, I was clueless about the proper way of cleaning your tongue. Your daddy and I did a lot of crazy stunts – a comedy of errors, really. Fortunately, we got around those quite well on our own. We did not break any of your limbs so I guess that’s a good sign. Seriously though, I can say that each day is a delight because we have you with us. You smile more often now. You stare a lot, too. You make cute kitten-like sounds when you’re afraid. You turn red when you cry. You sleep peacefully with your mouth open. You also pout a lot. You raise your legs when we change your nappies. You like to snuggle as you sleep. There are many other things that you do which make us smile in unexpected moments. You make us really happy. You are all worth it, sweetheart.

I’m still expecting a lot of bumps along the way but we’re confident that we can raise you well. You might not have been blessed with wealthy parents who can provide you a haven that is fit for the princess that you know you are, but you do have parents who love and care for you the best way they know how.

We love you, Isha.

The baby is going to be a mommy

It's confirmed – I'm pregnant. Joel and I are going to have a baby.

I'm really happy about having this cute little thing growing inside me. Joel's very pleased himself. For two years, we've been led to believe that having our own kid is next to impossible, especially considering my health complications. Imagine our surprise when both pregnancy tests (the first one was the OTC type, the other was conducted at the clinic) yielded positive results.

Gosh. This is it. I'm really going to be a mom. Never mind that this cute brat is making me nauseous every so often; or that her cravings for chocolate is driving me nuts (yeah, I believe it's going to be a girl). It just feels so wonderful to be pregnant.

From Hoyumpa to Regondola

We're planning to get married around the first week of May. Nothing fancy, of course. That's not really a priority right now. We just want our friends and our immediate families to celebrate with us on the day of our wedding.

Anyway, Joel already talked to my dad after telling his mom about my condition. We don't really have problems as far as our parents are concerned. His parents took the news well. As for my dad, he was net mad at all. He knew we were planning to tie the knot next year. I guess he was surprised that the church wedding we're planning is going to be a civil wedding instead and that the baby is due soon. But aside from that, I know he's happy for us. And I couldn't be happier at the way things have progressed.

So there. I'm going to be a mom and a wife. Thank you, Lord, I feel so blessed, so loved and so grateful.

sad ralizations

Before, I wanted to be your bride. Now, I just want to be a bride.

untitled

I lost it - whatever "it" is.

Don't ask me questions, I'm not up to the idea of spilling out the gory details. Besides, I'm well aware that the floodgates would open if I would dare to open my mouth.

It's funny how my friends tend to worry when I cry a lot. Hey guys, chill. I'm not suicidal. This is my way of coping. Rubbing salt in the wound is my way of dealing with... things. After all, if I can get through the darkest hour in one piece, I'll survive. That's the idea.

People get disappointed all the time. People get hurt all the time. People leave when they feel they have to and that happens all the time. It's not a big deal; just something I have to be big enough to deal with.

Mio Caro Joel

Iron bars need not cage me

The dark depths of your fathomless perfection keep me still

My soul has spoken unto years

The language of a heart fervid with longing


Love is elusive to those who wish not to see

But mine burns as bright as a torch of fire

For You

A hundred sleepless nights for a single caress
Sighing in utter contentment at the perfection that is you

To touch you and to breathe your name
And to lay in your arms forever
Nothing else could be better than this…. Bliss…

My Mantra

On being human
Be your own person. Stand up for yourself and don't let doubts and insecurities get you down. Rejections happen; heartache is a reality. Life is tough but you need to be tougher. Raise your own issues but do not answer your own questions. You don't know everything about life. Seek for advice but do not listen to every opinion you hear. Your feelings and experiences differ from theirs. Never compromise your sense of individuality.

On falling in love
Do not be afraid to love. Love is a wonderful feeling. You might end up writhing in pain when love is not reciprocated; or when the so-called perfect relationship that you built your dreams upon has shattered, but at the end of the day, you will realize that the pain is insignificant and of no regard in comparison to the beauty of true love.

On letting go
Get out of destructive relationships. These are relationships that do not allow you to grow. Don't force yourself to find joy in the things that bring you pain. Always do what's best for you, but do it gracefully and never ever intentionally hurt another person, no matter how much pain that person caused you. If the person you want to be with does not belong in your life, gracefully show him or her the door. Change is necessary so deal with it. Bite the bullet and move on.

Mi corazon latido para usted. Solamente para usted.

The title of this entry is read as: My heart beats for you. Only for you.

I came up with the line myself. You should be proud of me. I'm one helluva girlfriend hahaha!

I'm thinking of you. I seem to be doing that a lot, lately. You should see me – I have the typical-angel silly grin on my face. I'm listening to your music. Bamboo is singing If and yet it's you I'm thinking of. I can almost hear your voice. You like this song, don't you? You always select this song when we're out on a videoke-singing spree.

I love love love you…. I miss you like hell.

A Wakeup Call from Aubrey Miles

We're stronger now than we have been in the past. I guess the little "incident" was some sort of a blessing. A blessing in disguise, they say. It sounds so cliché, I know. The point still stands, though.

Joel's back in the old shift. It's too early to tell whether the difference in our sleeping time would work to our advantage or not. We'll see. As far as I can tell, I'm up to the challenge.

Speaking of challenges, I'm in the process of reinventing myself. Sort of. Haha! Well, for starters, I'm learning Spanish. I'm also planning to ask Wendell to teach me how to do the layout for the newsletter. Not that I plan on snagging his job from him. I'm just, ahhh, widening my horizons, so to speak. There are so many things that I am yet to do, so many goals that I am yet to accomplish. My terrible eyesight cannot spell my limitations. Video editing and B&W photography are next on my list.

Aja!

01-13-10

I love you. Heck, I'm not fancying you for other reasons. I'm not infatuated with you, either. This is not a fleeting emotion. I love you. You're everything to me. I'm childish and stupid and I act like an idiot most of the time. I'm a crybaby and I let my emotions control me. I lie and I get away with it. I'm shallow and jealous and insecure. I'm a brat. I act like I own you and I boss you around. I act like a possessed maniac because I'm scared as hell of losing you but believe me, I love you. I love you with everything I am. I'm a broken person today because I love you too much. Goddammit. I'm hurting like hell and yet you don't understand that I wouldn't be picking up the broken pieces today if I didn't want to be complete again. For you. For us.

I am trying to be okay but I am not okay. I am so lost and I am so broken. I need you. I need you to find me again. I don't want to lose us

bobitangsosyalera@ajiccp.com

To the evil shrew who almost stole my guy:

You are a poor excuse for a woman; you are a poor excuse for a human being. Any form of decency and propriety, I think, is beyond your comprehension. You may be beautiful, but you're beauty is superfluous because you're a dumbass. In my honest opinion, you have nothing to be proud of.

Should I see your striking good looks prowling about within the premises of Starbucks-Cubao, I swear… I'm going to pay off a Starbucks personnel to spit on your frappe. Filthy witches like you deserve that much.

Rot in hell, biatch!

Only You

Love came softly,
He whispered gently to my heart
A thousand caress, lingering into my soul

I found my mate
My lover, partner and friend

Need I ask for more?

You are as perfect as anything could be
and my heart yearns for no one else but you

Dear Joel

Was going through my things when I saw this note tucked in an old notebook. It's something I came up with last year. Ka-kornyhan lng hehe...

Several things made me happy today and it made me think of you. You've been the source of my happiness for the last few months. You've been my personal fountain of joy. Can't believe this is how things between us would end; that you'd simply walk away...

Of journeys and destinations

It's been a while since I last posted an entry for this blog. I guess there's simply nothing much to write about. Or maybe I don't have that much time to put my thoughts into writing.

Well, for starters, things between Joel and I are pretty much stable. At this point, I daresay that we're at a point in our relationship where we are most concerned about the future. Our future. Joel and I are making long-term plans already. He's working on a regular morning shift and has a freelance designing racket to boot. Meanwhile, I'm also working hard; one regular job and one freelance writing stint.

We're determined to make things right. We're trying to map out a prosperous future together. We have big dreams and big dreams mean hard work. It's really great to do this together: growing together and fulfilling our own aspirations without a tinge of worry about leaving the other person at the losing end. Yes, we're both making our way up and we're proud and happy about the turn-out of our own careers. Joel is currently training to be the team leader for a particular sections (translations section, i think) in his team. He's saving up for some sort of an investment as well. I think it's important for him to reach his potentials, more than anything else. He should be happy and proud and confident and fulfilled. I, too, should tread the same journey.

I'm really inspired and motivated with this growing up process. Right now, I feel like I have a jolt of optimism for the future. it's as if I can do anything I put my mind to. Joel has that effect on me now. I'm glad he's being supportive about my plans to study again. I think it's really nice to have a partner whom you can really depend on; a partner whom you can proudly bring home to meet your family; a partner whom you can share your visions with. I think I've found my home and I don't want to take another route; I don't intend to look for another haven. This is it. This is where God wants me to be, beside a man who would treat me as his equal and who would allow me to grow in my own terms.

I'm glad I decided to stick to this relationship despite the odds. I'm glad I can now look deep into the beautiful, deep-set eyes of my guy and say he was (and is) all worth it.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ANGELS AND JOELS!!!

We fit together like two pieces of one puzzle; without rough edges, without uneven ridges.

My brother, my confidant, and my partner... thank you for the gift of your love.

Happy Anniversary!

Untitled

I couldn't sleep at all last night...I was thinking about you...Your smile and your eyes...Your smile that speak volumes;your eyes that portray great depth

I miss you.

There's something wonderful about your presence...Something sweet and poignant and tender...Thinking of you sends a warm tingle to my senses... The sensation is odd but strangely comforting...