Happy-Happy!!!

I'm setting aside my paranoia to pave way for something more positive: Our monthsary. Joel and Angel's 9th monthsary. Weee!!! =)

Okay, for starters, Joel and I had dinner last Saturday. Then, he spent the night at my house. (patay ako pag uwi ni daddy from Gensan hahaha). Then we ate lunch the next day (Sunday) and set off to run different errands.

Actually, today is the big day. Perhaps, this day is indeed a big day, considering the frequency of our petty fights since I started working again. Oh well, I guess there really are inevitable issues between us. But in spite of these, I think we're well on our way towards a more fruitful (nyay fruitful hahaha) relationship. I just wish he'd be less "friendly" when socializing with other girls. (Or maybe I should try to lock up the green-eyed monster that threatens to comes out when Joel smiles at another girl hahaha).

9 months and counting... =)

At Odds...

More than anything else, I want to be with SB, but some things about our relationship keep on bothering me. At the top of the list is the fact that I only "stole" him from the other girl.

I'm thinking of Karma.

Heck, who am I fooling? I'm afraid of Karma. Who was it who said, "If I steal you away from him, chances are, you'll be stolen away from me, too." Gawd... I'm a hopeless nutcase. And it's all my fault...

So Much In Love

Joel Regondala, you're the most important person in my life and I'm hopelessly in love with you. Sooner or later, one or both of us is bound to fuck up, but I don't care. I'd rather fight with you for who-knows-how-long than to find another guy who could live up to what we share now.

I love the way your hair curls down the back of your neck and the side of your face..
I love the way you gaze at me..
I love the way you laugh..
I love the way you smell..
I love your voice..
I love the warmth of your body..
I love the way you hold me close..
I love it when you kiss me..
I love it when we make love..

And I love and love and love you....

We Almost Broke Up...

What would I do if the inevitable comes? I don’t know. I’m just hoping that we’d stay together for as long as we could. Perhaps until we’re both still breathing.

There’s something scary about a future without SB. This doesn’t mean that I’m sticking to this relationship just for comfort. It’s something else; something I can’t quite put a finger on. It’s like a physical pain in the stomach that goes on an upward motion, striking the heart where it hurts most. Then, just when I think the pain is over and done with, I find it difficult to breathe. It’s as if SB has a remote control; as if he manipulates my vital organs. I’d die if he hits the wrong button.

Hahaha… The analogy sucks. But the thing is this: I can’t imagine a life without SB.

And if truth be told, I don’t want to.

Gawd, I need a pack of tissue….

Quoting a Dead Poet

Love is a beautiful pain. Or so says Sappho.

Baby Boy!!

SB has been exerting a lot of effort on our relationship lately. He's been visiting me after his shift at work every so often, offering financial assistance, bringing me breakfast...
...and so the list of nice things he's been doing for me goes on.

Is it just my imagination, or do I really have the sweetest, nicest boyfriend in the world?

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. Nevertheless, I do love my babyboy... Regardless of the situations we've been through, SB will always be my guy. =)

Angel and Joel. Joel and Angel.

I think SB and I have a closer relationship now. One might think that we've only been together for 7 months and that those months cannot spell out what the future has in store for us. This thing has crossed my mind, too. More often that I'd care to admit. But I guess there really comes a time when you just know that the person you're with is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Yeah. I'm talking about a major leap here.

I'm pretty prepped up about my future with SB and the two cute kids we're planning to have with us to complete our happy family. My dad would probably break my neck if he hears me planning about my own family. But heck, I found the person I can't imagine my life without. Am I not entitled to go after the only thing that would make me deliriously happy? I think that's a basic human right and it cannot, should not, be curtailed. Not for any reason whatsoever...

Cheers to a lifetime of love and happiness for Angel and Joel!

HAPPY MONTHSARY!!!

HAPPY 7TH MONTHSARY JOEL AND ANGEL!!!

Torn..

I think I'm too eager to do everything at once. I don't know where to start.

I want to be with Joel. All the time. But I also want to prioritize my own media career.

I want to prioritize my own media career, but I also want to join the academe.

I want to join the academe, but if I do, I will not earn enough to pursue my Masteral Degree.

I want to earn my Masteral Degree, but Daddy says he will only pay for my education (again) if I study in Mindanao.

I want to go to Mindanao because becoming a war correspondent is one of my greatest dreams. But if I go to Mindanao and work as a journalist there, my Dad will get mad and he won't pay for my education anymore. I think I might break his heart if I get killed in the middle of the insurgency. Plus, I don't want to stay away from SB.

I think I'd rather stay at IWeb. Only problem is, I'm not enjoying my job. Plus, I don't have a client. I can look for another job, but if I find another employment, what will happen to SB and I?...

I'm thinking of SB, money, and a decent career. I need a job that can fit all of these....

I Miss You

I await the rising of the sun as this would signal another day... and another breakfast date with you. But even as the sun shines brightly unto us, I find myself bothered by the fact that our time together would soon pass. I am thus torn between making the most of our one-hour breakfast date and anticipating the torment of longing for you as I know I would greatly feel your absence in the hours that lie ahead.

Like now, perhaps?

I miss you...

Now, I wish nighttime would come, just so I could sleep peacefully in a haven where only thoughts of you would pervade my mind.

I miss you... I miss you... I miss you...
Did I say that already??

Mornings with SB

Joel (a.k.a. sexyboy/SB) and I are still together. I'm falling even more in love with him each day.

SB and I had breakfast at Jollibee this morning. I had the urge to kiss him while we're eating our breakfast. Nothing horny, really, just an overwhelming need to express my love. Overwhelming... LOL!

Hhaayysshh... Eating with SB is a really, really nice thing. I was intent on gobbling up my tune pie when a thought from nowhere struck me: I WANT TO DO THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I want to eat breakfast with SB for the rest of my life. I want to wake up in the morning with this wonderful, wonderful, wonderful person by my side. I want him to be the last person I'll see at night. I'm seeing a bright future ahead; a bright future with this crazy guy who makes my heart beat a thousand times over. I doubt if I can make every turn a right one, but somehow, I also know that no matter what kind of journey lies ahead, I will (and I can( take the challenge head-on, as long as I have SB with me. Always.

If this is not a declaration of love, then I don't know what this is...

My Guy

I met this guy who said he didn't like drunkard chicks, but he fell in love with me, anyway.

He doesn't have much patience with naggers, but for me he made an exception.

He doesn't have his own kid yet, so he's pampering me as if I'm his own baby.

He says I'm a spoiled brat, but he has pretty much accepted that fact already.

He thinks I'm a paranoid freak most of the time, but he just keeps his mouth shut, anyway.

He finds my craziness annoying, but he only says so when I'm going overboard.

I think I'm a lucky girl to have found such a wonderful person to fall in love with.

Too bad we aren't seeing each other as much as we used to..
Too bas we aren't seeing each other as much as we want to..

Darn...
I miss my guy...

Angelina Joel. LOL...

Perhaps this is what love means...

LoveNotes... Or something to That Effect

Are you real?
Sometimes I think you aren't.
Sometimes I wonder if you'd go away if I close my eyes,
Or if you'd be blown away by a single gust of the wind.

I don't know.

Maybe this is crazy.
Maybe we are all crazy.
But then again, maybe it's just you and I.

I love you so much...

SB again!

Love is weird. It does crazy thing to sane people. LOL...

This one is for you:

You're the calmness in my being
when the storm threatens to break me
You're the silent music that captured my heart
when the noise inside my head pervades
and I thought I wanted not to hear.

Someone To Take Care Of Me-Part 2

Trouble in paradise. Remember Murphy's law? I do, too. What the hell.

I think there's something off with women who are too dependent on their boyfriends. I tend to roll my eyes and think "Oh please, get a life" when I see girls asking their boyfriends to carry their bags, fetch them to and from school, blah-blah. I even remember this La Sallian couple who got off the bus because the girl finds the bus dirty.

You do get my point, don't you? I think I've established the fact that I hate that kind of attitude. Those cute girls can easily bat their lashes and pout like hell and the guys would go crazy. Those same girls have the energy to shop like madwomen and yet they cannot carry their own bags, not to mention open doors for themselves.

Surprise, surprise! I think I've become one of those girls.

I depend on SB all the time now. Baby, wala akong jacket. Baby, hatid mo ko sa LP. Baby, tulog ka na ba, ndi ako makatulog ndi ka nagtxt. Fuck. What is wrong with me? I hate this kind of behavior, it's so un-me. But still, I can't help it--it's the way I am now.

Love is self-destructive. Ulgghhh!!!

Still At It

SB and I... we've been working on our differences and I think we're doing a good job. Yeah. We're still at it. In fact, we're a few hours away from our second month anniversary...

Hahaha! Laters!

...Us...

There's something different about us; something I can't quite put a finger on. It's as if this time is the first time I've fallen in love and all the other times were just some sort of "background music". It's weird, it's idiosyncratic, and it's crazy. It's all that and more.

It's like stepping into someone else's fantasy, only to realize that it's not a fantasy. It's real and I'm in it. This is my reality. Don't wake me up, I'm not dreaming. It's too good to be true, but it is indeed true. I found the sweetest person I can ever find and my heart says, "hey this is it".

Yeah. This is it. I'm finally holding on to a hand that I never want to let go of.

And this time, i intend to keep it that way.

Lucky Me

Never really thought of making long-term plans til I met you. Not the settling down and married/family life thing sort; more on the personal fulfillment thing, actually. You've somehow brought out a different side of me; the one that puts high regards for self-fulfillment and self-progression. Or words to that effect. Whatever it is, it's something that I can't quite put a finger on. But thanks, anyway. I love...? (hahaha)

Anyway, I'm thinking of seriously pursuing my literary writing thingy. I missed writing short stories, I'm thinking along the lines of both romantic drama stuffs and mind boggling stuffs. It's been a while since I wrote those sort of stories. Been focusing too much on serious journ chorlax when I was in my last year in College. Gosh. I even said goodbye to Deluge when I felt that I had to choose between news and literary. Tsk...

A Poem for You

How long will I survive alone
When you are the only happiness I know?

This I ask myself
As I ponder with my broken heart...
As I imagine you cradling me in your arms,
while precious white pearls cascade down my cheeks

Nighttime haunts me with the unknown
But somehow I can tell
'Cause the angels have sung:
There will be another time for us

Yes.
Someday, somehow,
Our stars will align again

And I will wait
For that second shot at happiness
Even as the dark shadows enclose me in its arms
A constant reminder of the emptiness that lies ahead